As an OB/Gyn, I have a LOT of patients who tell me that they are just not that interested in sex anymore. Most of these women don’t really understand why they are not in the mood for “it” any longer, and this is NOT just an issue that older women deal with… many of these women are in their 20’s or 30’s! If you are healthy enough to climb two flights of stairs without stopping, you are probably physically healthy enough to have sex…. so, what is the issue?
Female sexual interest/arousal disorder
Fluctuation in sexual interest and arousal can occur throughout life and can be normal. Some life circumstances can change desire and interest for sex, such as changes in sleep patterns, health conditions, medications or substance use/abuse, partner or relationship factors, pregnancy, breastfeeding – the list goes on and on.
Many women who say they lack sex drive mean that they have lost the physical desire for sex. When they think about sex, their thoughts are about avoiding sex or about going ahead and “giving in” to having sex for their partner’s benefit or to preserve their relationship. It is always worth bringing this issue up with your OB/Gyn (don’t be embarrassed, we have heard it all!). Changes in sexual interest could be the result of an undiagnosed medical condition, medication side effect, or something else.
Face it, ladies – we do A LOT. Sometimes, we are just truly too physically tired for sex, or “touched out” – especially if you have younger children clinging to you for hours on end. If you have little people physically within 6 inches of you all day long, subconsciously your brain may be screaming “BACK OFF” by bedtime so you can have such much needed alone time! What can be done?
- Have an honest conversation with your partner about these feelings
- Brainstorm about how to lighten your load so that you can have some downtime for connection with yourself and your partner
- Plan ahead! Spontaneity is WAY over-rated. Put sex on the calendar and give your partner a list of things you need help with to make “it” happen – my guess is they are going to be a motivated participant in this project! Maybe the list for your partner includes being responsible for some of the household or childcare chores you normally handle, or holding down the fort while you carve out time for some yoga, a hot shower, or some other relaxation activity
- Drop the guilt. Very often women feel like they should just naturally want to have sex all the time and something is wrong with them if they don’t. WRONG. It can become a habit to not think sexual thoughts, and the good news about habits is they can be broken!
- Do the “Prep” work. We have to get our heads in a “sexy” place… maybe that means spending a few minutes throughout the day thinking warm thoughts about our partner, reading some sexy stories, looking at some images (this could be pornographic, but sometimes even just looking at some photos of you and your partner from a vacation a few years back when you were relaxed, connected, and feeling sexy does the trick!).
A Word about Menopause and Sex
Many women experience some physical changes around the time of menopause which can wreak havoc on our sexual response and desire. If you are experiencing vaginal dryness, a few painful tries at having sex can cause your brain to subconsciously scream “BACK OFF” again. If you are experiencing pain with sex, you need to let your OB/Gyn know about that – we have several wonderful treatment options! A good quality lubricant will help sex be less painful. And, take your time! Adequate foreplay is a MUST, especially as we get older. Taking time with your partner can grow your intimacy together.
Premier OB-Gyn is accepting new patients in both our Maitland, FL and Oviedo, FL locations. We would be happy to see you! Please call 321-397-1212 or visit www.premierob-gyn.com to book your appointment!